A Very Strange Day
Aug. 10th, 2003 10:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
merelynToday was weird. First off, being Sunday, I worked from 11-3 at Hallmark. I have been working Sundays 11-3 at Hallmark for six months. Like clockwork. It was my last Sunday there before I go off to college. Weird. I had a minor freak out moment of "I'm going to college in 11 days. AAHHH!"
I actually rather liked work today, unlike yesterday. It was slow. And when it gets slow I brainstorm story ideas. I get the best inspiration at Hallmark leaning over the register with a pen and a post-it pad. I always come home with a collection of folded post-its in my pants.
It also was my turn to clean the bathroom. They have a store employee clean it once a week. Naturally everyone does a half-assed job. I don't think anyone has properly cleaned that bathroom in a year. I spent an hour scrubbing the microwave and fridge and sweeping. It was soothing. Sometimes I really like cleaning. If you can't clean up your life at least you have the power to clean the spots off a sink.
Then, when I got off work, I went out with my dad. Just me and him, since Meg was working.
In the past year my father suffered a kind of mid life crisis, I think. But instead of going out and buying a sports car like normal folks, he started going to church. Weird. Personally, my family never took me to church growing up. In order to be a believer, I think you either a) must grow up going to church and be raised in that kind of family, or b) have something happen to you that makes you find religion. Since neither applies to me, I am an agnostic. I doubt if I'll ever be able to really believe in God. And when your family's not religious, it's okay. But now I have a Dad who has actually read the Bible cover to cover. It's a little uncomfortable. Anyway, he used to go to Reston Community Church, which convened in a community center. Ha. Anyway, he left because he got involved with a girl there who was like a surrogate daughter to the pastor. And when the relationship ended...Well that's just my dad. Anyway, my father now attends McLean Bible Church. Yes, you heard that correctly. The cult.
So naturally I wouldn't normally go within a 100 yards of McLean Bible Church. But my dad, who is really depressed that my sister and I are leaving, told me a few days ago: "I have one favor to ask before you go. Just go to one service at McLean Bible." So, of course, when he puts it like that...I got to go today.
My impressions: That place in friggin' huge. They have a parking garage. With two levels. And it's pretty big. And the bottom level was about full. Jesus. (Ha.) Anyway, the building looks like a hospital. It has signs all over directing you to various places. They have a cafeteria. And there was actually a wall painting with Jesus surrounded by a white child, a black child, and an Asian child. One of them was deaf. When I saw it, I started laughing. Anyone who was in my Crit class last year knows why. (Ha ha, Jesus, you're so funny!)
My dad took me around. As I walked down the halls I kind of felt like an imposter. Can they tell I think this whole thing is a little ridiculous? Do I look like a church-goer? I wonder who else is only here because they are being forced by someone else?
Then we went into the service which consisted mostly of Worship songs played by a rock band on a stage. With the words up on three high definition screens. The auditorium was bigger than the one at school. And it was almost filled. I didn't sing along, since I don't believe in the words. Especially the ones from the point of view of a person at the cucifixion, like "It's my fault that Jesus was crucified. I see him and I, ashamed, here my mocking voice." How bizarre. Why would you think about that?
Later I saw "Bruce Almighty" with my dad. Also kind of a religious movie.
And the whole thing got me thinking. Why do people believe in religion? No, seriously. What is about people that makes them subscribe to one view or another of some higher power? Why do people honestly believe the the power of prayer accomplishes something? I guess we all want to know that someone is looking out for us. That someone who loves us unconditionally is listening to our problems. That someone who had the power to do something cares about us. And I understand that. I really do. I would love to believe something like that. But I can't.
And have a lot of problems with organized religion. Like the sign outside a church I saw that said "God demands obedience." Yikes. Or when people use religion as a basis for hate and violence. Or at this sermon today, the pastor said something like "God is the only person you can depend on because everyone else has let you down." Isn't that awful? Where is the faith in humanity? Why can't we depend on others? What is so lacking?
Maybe when people can't find love or fulfillment within themselves and in their own lives they turn to religion to provide the idea of it. Too bad I can't. I'm too practical. I missed the boat. And maybe it is lonely swinging out here in the breeze with no faith in a higher power to get me through, but I think I'll survive.
Sorry this post is so obscenely long. Hope I didn't step on any toes. I don't mean to bash Religion, I'm just trying to figure it out.
I actually rather liked work today, unlike yesterday. It was slow. And when it gets slow I brainstorm story ideas. I get the best inspiration at Hallmark leaning over the register with a pen and a post-it pad. I always come home with a collection of folded post-its in my pants.
It also was my turn to clean the bathroom. They have a store employee clean it once a week. Naturally everyone does a half-assed job. I don't think anyone has properly cleaned that bathroom in a year. I spent an hour scrubbing the microwave and fridge and sweeping. It was soothing. Sometimes I really like cleaning. If you can't clean up your life at least you have the power to clean the spots off a sink.
Then, when I got off work, I went out with my dad. Just me and him, since Meg was working.
In the past year my father suffered a kind of mid life crisis, I think. But instead of going out and buying a sports car like normal folks, he started going to church. Weird. Personally, my family never took me to church growing up. In order to be a believer, I think you either a) must grow up going to church and be raised in that kind of family, or b) have something happen to you that makes you find religion. Since neither applies to me, I am an agnostic. I doubt if I'll ever be able to really believe in God. And when your family's not religious, it's okay. But now I have a Dad who has actually read the Bible cover to cover. It's a little uncomfortable. Anyway, he used to go to Reston Community Church, which convened in a community center. Ha. Anyway, he left because he got involved with a girl there who was like a surrogate daughter to the pastor. And when the relationship ended...Well that's just my dad. Anyway, my father now attends McLean Bible Church. Yes, you heard that correctly. The cult.
So naturally I wouldn't normally go within a 100 yards of McLean Bible Church. But my dad, who is really depressed that my sister and I are leaving, told me a few days ago: "I have one favor to ask before you go. Just go to one service at McLean Bible." So, of course, when he puts it like that...I got to go today.
My impressions: That place in friggin' huge. They have a parking garage. With two levels. And it's pretty big. And the bottom level was about full. Jesus. (Ha.) Anyway, the building looks like a hospital. It has signs all over directing you to various places. They have a cafeteria. And there was actually a wall painting with Jesus surrounded by a white child, a black child, and an Asian child. One of them was deaf. When I saw it, I started laughing. Anyone who was in my Crit class last year knows why. (Ha ha, Jesus, you're so funny!)
My dad took me around. As I walked down the halls I kind of felt like an imposter. Can they tell I think this whole thing is a little ridiculous? Do I look like a church-goer? I wonder who else is only here because they are being forced by someone else?
Then we went into the service which consisted mostly of Worship songs played by a rock band on a stage. With the words up on three high definition screens. The auditorium was bigger than the one at school. And it was almost filled. I didn't sing along, since I don't believe in the words. Especially the ones from the point of view of a person at the cucifixion, like "It's my fault that Jesus was crucified. I see him and I, ashamed, here my mocking voice." How bizarre. Why would you think about that?
Later I saw "Bruce Almighty" with my dad. Also kind of a religious movie.
And the whole thing got me thinking. Why do people believe in religion? No, seriously. What is about people that makes them subscribe to one view or another of some higher power? Why do people honestly believe the the power of prayer accomplishes something? I guess we all want to know that someone is looking out for us. That someone who loves us unconditionally is listening to our problems. That someone who had the power to do something cares about us. And I understand that. I really do. I would love to believe something like that. But I can't.
And have a lot of problems with organized religion. Like the sign outside a church I saw that said "God demands obedience." Yikes. Or when people use religion as a basis for hate and violence. Or at this sermon today, the pastor said something like "God is the only person you can depend on because everyone else has let you down." Isn't that awful? Where is the faith in humanity? Why can't we depend on others? What is so lacking?
Maybe when people can't find love or fulfillment within themselves and in their own lives they turn to religion to provide the idea of it. Too bad I can't. I'm too practical. I missed the boat. And maybe it is lonely swinging out here in the breeze with no faith in a higher power to get me through, but I think I'll survive.
Sorry this post is so obscenely long. Hope I didn't step on any toes. I don't mean to bash Religion, I'm just trying to figure it out.
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-10 09:48 pm (UTC)anyway, i believe religion is just there for dependency's sake. people need something to depend on in a large group. i think that's silly, but oh well. i believe that everyone has their own religion; but, since it isn't "practiced" or believed in by a large mass of people, it isn't considered a "religion." you know what i mean??
okay, enough with the long comment. *hugs* see you later this week, babe.
<3 ale
no subject
Date: 2003-08-10 09:54 pm (UTC)That sounds really odd. I wish that dad had decided to buy a red sports car. I could deal with that. But this, though I suppose a more practical mid life crisis, is very unsettling. I feel almost as if I've been cheated on or something. Like he loves God more. Which is completely weird and horrible.
In that book I read Venus Envy the father of the main character talked about why he could accept the fact that his daughter was a lesbian, but how it would have been different if it was his son. He said the reason why was because at least the fact that his daughter loved women meant that there would never be another guy that would take his place. You can't fight against the unconditional love of a supreme diety. And what if it all just gets worse and he becomes some zombie fundamentalist? What if he begins to think that you and I are going to hell? I would just like my father back.
-Meg