The Last Sleepover

Well the last sleepover of my high school career is winding down presently. I haven't slept at all, despite only getting 6 hours of sleep the night before. Consequently, I feel shite-y. I've really been rather sleep deprived this entire summer. Doesn't bode well for college, when I actually have to get up at certain times.

Anyway, it was a good evening. Everyone (save Anna) was over by 8:30ish and we ate lasagna and salad and garlic bread and brownie sundaes all sitting around my dining room table, family style. It really felt like we all were a kind of family, chatting, having criss-crossed conversations across the table. Then we watched Old School, which wasn't as bad or as raunchy as I was expecting. Slightly disappointed in that respect, actually. There were many massages. More talking. Then Tarin put in Gods and Monsters, which has Ian McKellen in it- a brilliant Ian McKellen in it. God I love that man. A little ways in, Anna shows up from work, and watches for a few minutes (restlessly, I could tell, as Anna hates watching movies and always wants to have talks) before asking if I had any chips or something. Typical. So I took her upstairs to talk with her, as I had seen the movie before. Other people gradually filtered upstairs and the movie went on, until people finally ended up going their beds or back home. Tarin decided to sleep on the floor by my upstairs bed, and we ended have a nice long talk about practically everything until about 20 minutes ago. It was one of two good one-on-one conversations I've had with him- the other being when we schleped out somewhere like an hour away to drop something off.

It's really a shame to find moments of connection with people right when you're about to leave them.

The whole thing was nice. Comfortable but with a lot of covering for the occasional awkward pause. And everyone acted the way they normally do and even if it wasn't phenomenal it was still the last time my friends will really be together (or have the duty to be together) like that. Strange.

My life is going to be completely different starting at 8:00 Friday morning and there's nothing to do about it. And I think the thing that worries me the most about that is not that I'll be leaving behind all these wonderful things and people but that the things and people in my life will suddenly be new and different. I never liked change.

(no subject)

I got some sleep! Like three hours, but sleep nonetheless. Petra was just over and we talked about leaving and such.

I realized why I can't say goodbye to any of my friends. I mean really goodbye, so that they would all go off knowing what they mean to me and how much I'm going to miss them. But I can't. And why is that?

Because I'm in denial. Even now, when Meg is going to be leaving tomorrow- leaving - it hasn't hit me. It really hasn't registered. As far as most of me is concerned, this is just another day in the summer. So why say goodbye? I'll see you in the lobby during break once school starts, right?

Another part of that is the whole "when we all come back it will never be the same" thing. Personally, I don't believe it. Again, as far as I'm concerned, when everyone comes back for Thanksgiving break, we will all pick up right where we left off, the only noticable difference being that we all will have some new experiences to share. Deep down, I feel as Anna does about this. I actually have this mental image of us, picking back up where we left off. Of course its really naive and optimistic and just stupid to think that, but I can't help it.

It's not the end. It's not "never going to be the same". And I keep clinging to that, really blindly clinging to it, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do this.

So, to my friends, I apologize if it doesn't seem like it matters. It does. A lot. It just isn't going to hit me until I've been at William and Mary for a few days. Not until it's too late to really doing anything about it.

Quiz!

Tchah! I luff this quiz. Edward Gorey kicks soooo much ass it is inconceivable. And if you're in the mood for a rhyming picture book all about the hideous deaths of small children, go read "The Gashlycrumb Tinies". Go now.


You will be smothered under a rug. You're a little
anti-social, and may want to start gaining new
social skills by making prank phone calls.


What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
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