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I got some sleep! Like three hours, but sleep nonetheless. Petra was just over and we talked about leaving and such.
I realized why I can't say goodbye to any of my friends. I mean really goodbye, so that they would all go off knowing what they mean to me and how much I'm going to miss them. But I can't. And why is that?
Because I'm in denial. Even now, when Meg is going to be leaving tomorrow- leaving - it hasn't hit me. It really hasn't registered. As far as most of me is concerned, this is just another day in the summer. So why say goodbye? I'll see you in the lobby during break once school starts, right?
Another part of that is the whole "when we all come back it will never be the same" thing. Personally, I don't believe it. Again, as far as I'm concerned, when everyone comes back for Thanksgiving break, we will all pick up right where we left off, the only noticable difference being that we all will have some new experiences to share. Deep down, I feel as Anna does about this. I actually have this mental image of us, picking back up where we left off. Of course its really naive and optimistic and just stupid to think that, but I can't help it.
It's not the end. It's not "never going to be the same". And I keep clinging to that, really blindly clinging to it, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do this.
So, to my friends, I apologize if it doesn't seem like it matters. It does. A lot. It just isn't going to hit me until I've been at William and Mary for a few days. Not until it's too late to really doing anything about it.
I realized why I can't say goodbye to any of my friends. I mean really goodbye, so that they would all go off knowing what they mean to me and how much I'm going to miss them. But I can't. And why is that?
Because I'm in denial. Even now, when Meg is going to be leaving tomorrow- leaving - it hasn't hit me. It really hasn't registered. As far as most of me is concerned, this is just another day in the summer. So why say goodbye? I'll see you in the lobby during break once school starts, right?
Another part of that is the whole "when we all come back it will never be the same" thing. Personally, I don't believe it. Again, as far as I'm concerned, when everyone comes back for Thanksgiving break, we will all pick up right where we left off, the only noticable difference being that we all will have some new experiences to share. Deep down, I feel as Anna does about this. I actually have this mental image of us, picking back up where we left off. Of course its really naive and optimistic and just stupid to think that, but I can't help it.
It's not the end. It's not "never going to be the same". And I keep clinging to that, really blindly clinging to it, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do this.
So, to my friends, I apologize if it doesn't seem like it matters. It does. A lot. It just isn't going to hit me until I've been at William and Mary for a few days. Not until it's too late to really doing anything about it.